Pittsburgh, PA

My name is Dascia Gilliam and I am a mother of a baby boy diagnosed with Trisomy 13.

I found out that my baby,  Jeremiah Nigel was sick at six months of pregnancy. My children and I were homeless and I didn't have good prenatal care because I didn't think I wanted to bring another baby into the world. By the time I decided to keep him, my world came crashing down.

I'll never forget the day of my sonogram. I already have two daughters and when the sonographer showed me my boy I almost jumped off the table. I was so excited! While I was crying with joy the sonographer had a distressed look on her face and I just knew something was wrong. She said the baby's kidneys were too bright and he had extra digits on both his hands and feet. They called in the doctor and he said that the baby had Trisomy 13.

For the remainder of my pregnancy I had all types of tests performed and later they confirmed that my son had a heart defect called Trechology of the Fallot. I was devastated. None of the doctors had given me a full definition of the disease and so I was at lost. I still didn't have a home or a job and so I was more focused on that than what the doctors were saying to me. I had to find a house before he was born.

Closer to my due date the doctors were asking me if I wanted my baby fed after he was born or was I going to let nature take its course. I thought these people were insane! Of course I want him fed, EVERY THREE HOURS!! If he lives for just three hours I want him treated like the rest of these babies in here.

I felt so alone and afraid. I prayed to God to spare this baby's life and forgive me for wanting to get a abortion. I feel like this is my fault. I was so preoccupied with finding a job and housing that I never really had time to take in the seriousness of the situation.

Jeremiah Nigel was born on November 6, 2006 one month earlier than his expected due date. He was four pounds and eleven ounces, eighteen inches long. He was beautiful!! I fell in love with this child on site and I wanted to spend as much time as possible with him as I could.

The doctors and nurses at the hospital were so insensitive that I found myself crying day in and day out. They told me to just walk away because even if he did live he wouldn't be happy. He'd be overweight and unintelligent and why would I want a baby like that. I couldn't understand why they were treating us this and I started to fear that they weren't going to care for my child the he needed to be cared for.

I knew I didn't have my own house but I needed to get him out of there as soon as possible. I was introduced to a hospital called TIC and to this day I am forever grateful for there services. They paid for my family and I to move into this apartment along with a place called Every Child. Jeremiah was doing so good that our health insurance wouldn't pay for him to stay in the hospital to much longer. He was off of oxygen, SUCKING out of a bottle, (which the doctors and nurses said he was retarded to do), and gaining weight all on his own.

I received the keys to our new place on December 8 and Jeremiah was discharged three days later. Finally I could collect my thoughts and focus on ALL my children, or so I thought. Jeremiah died in his sleep on December 9 at the hospital. I never got a chance to say goodbye because I was too busy cleaning the apartment that morning. I had planned to go visit him later on in the day but it didn't happen that way.

I feel so guilty and I don't want sympathy from anyone. I'm just glad I had a chance to get this out. I stare at his picture almost everyday and my heart throbs. I know the healing process takes a while but I don't know what to do. I am grateful for this website because it let me know that I am not alone. All of your stories put me to tears because I know what it feels like. I will pray for you and your families and please pray for mine. I promised my baby boy that I'd be better mommy to his sisters and so I'm working and paying the bills like I'm suppose to. Thank you so much for sharing and listening.  

Dascia Gilliam dasciagilliam@verizon.net